October was about Respect, Tough Love and Willpower.
October 2020 was about choosing to show kindness to another that was NOT shown to me in the past by others . To lead by example. To be strong enough to terminate a connection that HIGHLY benefited me simply because I knew I didn’t return the same intense feelings. I showed this soul the kindness that was not shown to me in the past, by respecting him enough to say goodbye and not use and abuse his time, effort and affection. Sometimes the “ right thing to do ” doesn’t feel good, and is very hard. October was about learning that to be worthy of an equal, I must first be kind enough to set free any “safe bets”, “trauma-bonds”, and “distractions” first and foremost. I am doing this all for you , because you are me; as I am you.
October was about understanding that when in a trauma bond, I only see what I want to see, not what is truly in front of me. I have successfully closed a door , and the door has disappeared behind me. Sometimes conclusions have to happen in your own mind , not in physical. You have to take decisive action and stick to it no matter what kind of emotional withdrawal symptoms may arise. More of this outcome below.
Willpower + Tough Love
Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for a loved one who is self destructive is to walk away and let them hit rock bottom. Only at rock bottom will they (hopefully) see the error of their ways. Only someone who understands and practices true ,unconditional love can appreciate this sentiment.
October was a month for clearing of stagnant and harmful energy, beliefs and negative repetitive actions, for trusting in the future of my own unique journey. It was a month of practicing ego sacrifice in vulnerable, authentic service to others. October has been a chance to lead by example, to practice what I preach; and to learn the hard and uncomfortable lessons in unrequited love, toxic patterns, and moving on with grace.
WHAT a gift October was, WHAT a gift.