Just A Memory Away

“Its really you!” I exclaimed with tears streaming down my face as I caressed your beard with my shaky, glowing hand. “It is so” you chuckled, that laugh penetrating my into every cell of my crystalline body. “I saw what you wrote, and I think you deserve an answer to your feeling of loneliness and loss. You need to know that you aren’t wrong, and as such I have something to show you”. You motioned me to follow you. The closer we got, the more in focus  a glowing door became. Behind the door was a melodic tune, and flashing blue and silver light. It was our song. “How did you know about this song..” I inquired.  “Open the door, if you will” you replied, ignoring my question as per usual. Your eloquence strong , poise unparalleled;  I gladly obliged. I opened the door, and my whole body filled with a warm ,bright feeling. The taste of rose lemonade, the smell of your favourite cologne; I felt your big hands intertwined in mine. Your glowing eyes full of soul, and passion. Passion for me, for us and for humanity stared back at me for the very first time. I looked around. We were in sand. The ocean waves just feet from us as you pulled gently on my arm towards a teal creature of new, perhaps a bird of sorts? “LETS PET IT!!!” You yelled, running after it laughing ; with your warm, strong hands holding mine the entire time. I had never seen you this happy. “What is that!?” I screamed in horror and inquisition. “ A Paragu , I thought you said you finished grade 3 babe”, you replied cheekily. Snapping out of my bliss and realizing that I didn’t have much time here, and that no such creature exists in the reality i must go back to; I grabbed your shoulders and looked into your eyes.You didn’t blink once. Staring fearlessly right back into mine for the very first time, you asked what was wrong. Melting yet grieving , I cried in question. “Why can’t this be our lives, why cant you love me”, I pathetically begged; tears streaming down my face. Wiping away my tears, you kissed my forehead and explained ever so cryptically .“This IS our life, can’t you see;  this Is why you hurt so much”.  I don’t understand!” I cried, and threw a fit. Your facial expression somber, you explained further. “You are picking up on how it truly is, how we are ; and you feel us so.” My beliefs unraveling, I begged to stay.  Shaking your head, you continued. “You must remember that we both made this contract together, and so far we are doing well, we must not quit now” , you said sternly. 

“How can I ever let you go when I now know this “, I inquired; half regretting the moment of bliss we spent together.  “ It will be I that will have to let go , and you know this,” you replied; a tear fell from your face and onto the sand. Suddenly, a  slideshow of the things that have rapidly flew by since we last parted had been projected into the light green sky like a movie reel. Such self induced torture.. You smiled sheepishly at me as the idiocy flew by and now I was the one shaking my head.  It was then that the  scene got fuzzy, and the teal bird had disappeared.  “One last thing, Mo Anam Cara..”  Your voice dissipated as mine cracked while yelling “Anything!”.   “You must know that it would have been far too easy WITH you. It is WITHOUT you that I must try, to finally be deserving of us; in EVERY reality.” The song resumed in the distance, and your beautiful eyes were the last thing to disappear. It was only the sound of the trumpets that remained, the vibrations of them moving through my grief stricken soul;  as I realized that you will never get to say goodbye. Tearful and awake, I felt a calm wash over me. I will always be with you, no matter where I go. Love is like the air that we breathe. Inside of us always, it transmutes and redistributes when you think it is lost. Love is never lost. I beg of you , my only love; to hold onto these words . Like a boomerang, I promise the;

My love will come back around


Starvation had pushed people from their  communities. The “virus” had mutated and the 99% had finally lost their minds. Their lower vibration could no longer sustain life on Gaia , who’s own vibration was rapidly ascending. People were gathered in houses, moaning and screaming. Some wearing masks; some had simply given up.  There were designated “dead body” houses on each city block, and the ones who were still alive had the responsibility to dump the dead in these houses. There was no more laws, there was hardly anyone still alive. The ones who were still alive, were also sick. The air smelled like rot and death, and NO ONE had anyone from their family survive. Only the last few of humanity, and the 5D new earth ground crew remained. The guides & angels and friends who have been through this process many eons ago were materializing several times through-out the day to guide them through this and to give them updates and information out of pure respect for their sacrifice. 

Masters, guides, and angels finally showed which form they were camouflaged  in this entire time, only to the ground grew. Politicians, Sex workers, Homeless, Addicts, Presidents, Criminals, Public speakers, housewives. People from every walk of life. Infiltrating and lighting up the darkest corners of this planet.  After dumping the body of a dear friend I had met the week prior, you materialized in front of me . An auburn, long haired upper half woman and lower half energy. Eager to ask you many questions, one came to the forefront of my mind.  “How much longer must I stay?” My voice cracked with fear and the smell of death filled my nostrils. “ You are doing so well, and are so close, just a bit longer now” you replied. It wasn’t enough. I went to the toilet in one of the burial houses and vomited. Coming back to where you were, I vocalized my angst. “ That isn’t enough. I want to know when and how, and I deserve this “. I had just watched my cousin and my mother die, which were the last of my family who were alive. I deserved some more information. You decided to oblige.
“Okay, dear one; you can handle it?”,  You inquired. “Yes, this I beg of you”, I cried back. 

“So be it. You will die in water, just days before the final shift; this is how you chose to end your work. It will be peaceful, despite what it sounds like.  It is not at all what you may think. You will not suffer, and you will not be alone at the other end.  This is all I can give you, wake now.”  

With mixed feelings, and a lump in my throat, I thanked you. The smell of death faded away, and I woke up at 5:35PM; covered in silk. The smell of winter air blowing so casually through the window of my luxury condo.  So true shall it have been. The most fluid of missions, the most rocky of seas. When we take our first of breaths, a soul memory of Gaia; in the warm summer breeze. May they look back on our time, such highly revered.  For that one time in creation, when humanity;

We Cured.

October 2020 Summarized

October  was about Respect, Tough Love and Willpower. 


October 2020 was about choosing to show kindness to another that was NOT shown to me in the past by others . To lead by example. To be strong enough to  terminate a connection that HIGHLY benefited me simply because I knew I didn’t return the same intense feelings. I showed this soul the kindness that was not shown to me in the past, by respecting him enough to say goodbye and not use and abuse his time, effort and affection. Sometimes the “ right thing to do ” doesn’t feel good, and is very hard. October was about learning that to be worthy of an equal, I must first be kind enough to set free any “safe bets”, “trauma-bonds”, and “distractions” first and foremost. I am doing this all for you , because you are me;  as I am you. 

Trauma bond

October was about understanding that when  in a trauma bond, I only see what I want to see, not what is truly in front of me. I have successfully closed a door , and the door has disappeared behind me. Sometimes conclusions have to happen in your own mind , not in physical. You have to take decisive action and stick to it no matter what kind of emotional withdrawal symptoms may arise. More of this outcome below.

Willpower + Tough Love

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for a loved one who is self destructive is to walk away and let them hit rock bottom. Only at rock bottom will they (hopefully) see the error of their ways.  Only  someone who understands and practices true ,unconditional love can appreciate this sentiment.  

In Conclusion

October was a month for clearing of stagnant and harmful energy, beliefs  and negative repetitive actions, for trusting in the future of my own unique journey. It was a month of practicing ego sacrifice in vulnerable, authentic service to others. October has been a chance to lead by example, to practice what I preach; and to learn the hard and uncomfortable lessons in unrequited love, toxic patterns, and moving on with grace

WHAT a gift October was,  WHAT a gift

The Sapphire Ash of Wishes Past

With the sapphire ash of wishes past , I let go of possibilities so vast .

With the sapphire ash of wishes past , I release you ;as this spell is cast.

With the sapphire ash of wishes past , I am no longer your trusty mast.

With the sapphire ash of wishes past , your role so soon ; to be recast.

With the sapphire ash of wishes past , all of your chances have indeed fore-passed.

With the sapphire ash of wishes past,On this sacred night ; I blow away my very last.


Out of this jaded vessel of exhaustion and torment, a vibratory melody penetrates the ionosphere; into the ethers.  The 1’s, a sweet memory of times past in our own evolutionary progression. A bittersweet symphony of gentle reminders to those in lower grades. Yes we have all been there. To my beloved 1’s.  May you learn your lessons the easy way, without resistance ; flowing with the failures and valuing the growing  pains as gentle gifts from the divine.May your frustration  be absorbed by us of light, transmuting such a familiar pain.  May you be jolted awake by the laws still unbeknownst to you in this sweet density of duality.  May you stand strong in my own position with the same gentle understanding and love for your class of 1’s. In love , and in light, 

So mote it be 

Kin Of The Contradictory Grey Habitation

She had class. But she didn’t exude it. He had spirit, but he dumbed it down. She was running from something , he was running to something . He had purity of heart , she had purity of experience. He had integrity, she had self preservation. One thing they both were lacking in however , is self worth and introspection.

And so they sit, dormant in their evolutionary progression; stopping the other from growing. The lesson meant to be fluid and flowing , solidified and turned rotten. A yin and yang story for the ages, one where the characters themselves refuse to leave the story book no longer meant to house their characters. And so may you both be,

Better next.