Shivering , stuck in the liminal space between memory and weary acceptance, the tip sound sounds off with a note begging for zero reciprocation. Like an empathetic echo from the distant past, her brain went right back there.

A busy friday night. The smell of the foreign stack being thrown carelessly onto the sin-stained floor ; the blaring music in the background and blinding lights rotating in an endless circle. 

 The mid-age man slams a beer bottle onto the table 

“ For Christs Sake!!  I don’t want a dance from you, I just want to talk!!!!” He spat out angrily . “Look, im sorry; im not dangerous okay? Look.. this is me; and next to me..recognize that fella?”  

Holy fuck, she gasped; wondering if it was photoshopped.

 “Yeah, well those days were over after that fateful day over a decade ago, and last year I was diagnosed with cancer, my wife and two young boys still don’t know, hence the cross-border nights out”, he professed while looking down ;the  photo of him and the powerful yet one of the most hated men in the world on his phone screen, holding his shoulder and smiling .

  “Look, I don’t know what’s happening here, but I cannot accept this money; and this is something I really don’t think I should get involved in”,  she expressed; shaking and terrified as the sound of next song starting filled their eardrums and a naked woman walked out of the room, drink in hand. 

“Suit yourself, but then I’m going to the casino to blow it alllll, I am sure you are in good company here, seeeeee ya” he spat back as he took one last sip and clumsily placed the beer bottle down in the corner little place-tray in the ominous little dark-lit room.  

“You are NOT driving” She says sternly.  

“Wahhhhhtch meeehhh” he slurred back defiantly. “ I have only had one beer” he said ,rolling his eyes

“For fuck sake”,  she took a deep breath .. “Give me 5 minutes to get dressed and tip out and I will call the cab to take you across the border SAFELY”, she tried reasoning with him. 

“ I have only had one beer” he said ,rolling his eyes

“Besides, I  can’t go home yet, im awake until at least 6am before I can go home, and I can’t leave my car” He said in a defeated tone. 

 Sighing , she closed herself into the club’s front closet to put her hoodie and sweatpants over her tiny bikini and plopped her heels onto the floor. She ordered the cab headed towards the casino.   They got there and he immediately went towards the ATM.

“Uhhhh helloooo? you have 10,000 in your pocket ; do you not remember this? ” she inquired ,baffled. 

“It’s always good to carry a bit extra, plus its pennies to me ; all I wish I had was more time to see my boys grow up” he replied.

She was speechless.

They picked a slot machine and sat down .

“Here look.. this is my charity, ahh shit, do you have internet on your phone?” He inquired.  

“Wow.. you weren’t kidding when you said you were charitable” she said scrolling and reading. She suddenly started to see the serious reality of the situation at hand”.  

“ Now I feel even more vindicated in refusing your “gift” she confidently expressed.

“Fine , at least play a few slots with me then? You know… there’s not many people who would say no to 10,000 smackers for nothing.”

 “Well.. My dad always said that nothing comes for free … and If I were to accept this I couldn’t sleep at night. That is too high of a price to pay.” She wearily explained. 

“Well he sounds like a smart man” He nodded in respectful understanding 

“OH! You said you don’t drink , but they deliver free hot chocolate to the machines; try it , its real nifty! “ He excitedly smiled , pointing to the order buttons. 

“Well I will never say no to hot chocolate with whipped cream!” She chuckled , tickled pink at his old school vocabulary. 

Hours passed and the sounds of the machines in succession melted into each other; 3:30AM came around quickly. 

“Alright , I will stay here for the morning and check out at 11AM and cab to my car. You should get on home , kid” He smiled, clearly sobered up.  “Thank you for the company, I have no one to talk to about this” he said looking down, walking towards the hotel from the game room.

“Ironically I am in the same spot, I doubt I will have anyone to talk about tonight to either; it certainly was not a traditional night”. She pondered.  

“I hope you know I never expected anything, I love my wife and I am not interested in crossing any lines” he said as he looked her dead in the eyes.  

“Strangely I believe you. One thing I know is that illness can be lonely , and so can life. I think it’s important that we find comfort where we can, but please hold stronger boundaries. You are lucky you found someone who didn’t have a desperate mentality ; this could have ended badly for you and I suggest you find comfort elsewhere, maybe a support group?” 

Scoffing ,  he nodded.  “I won’t make a habit of it, promise ya that”.  “Go on home and get some sleep now, I will e-mail ya letting you know I got home safe like ya asked ” He said, seemingly irritated.  Turning around to face her,  he had one last thing to say. 

 “Promise me something kid?” He emotionally spat out at the foot of the escalator up to the lodgings he would be safely taking refuge in until he sobered up fully.

“Depends on what it is ,because your actions today have been quite questionable in nature..” She joked, tears in eyes.

“Thank your pops for me , I always wanted a daughter; and if I were him  I would be damn proud of how you turned out”.  Winking and turning around towards the escalator , holding tightly onto it; he slowly got taken up.

She walked the 10 minutes back home at 4:00 in the morning; leaving a trail of tears down the dirty downtown sidewalk. She got home, knowing she had not made any money that night, yet feeling wealthier than ever. . She crawled into bed, wishing she had anyone to talk to about this; the glow from the casino’s giant red sign flooding into her downtown apartment suddenly seemed like a comforting night-light.  She smiled, rolled over and went to sleep. When she awoke at 2pm in the afternoon , she was getting ready for another shift. Opening her little wrap-around purse, she felt a strange papery feeling.  She gasped and fell to the floor . “That SNEAKY MOTHER FUCKER” , she sat there crying, the 10,000 dollars spilling out onto the floor . 3 desperate e-mails sent out later, she got only one back . 

“ Consider it a small bit of what you deserve from this life. It was nice to meet you, kid”. 

The tip sound stops and the lump in her throat lessens. “Thank you” she says without guilt;  hoping it reaches up to the heavens .